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I have my BA in psychology and I was very serious in my undergraduate studies. My passion was for research. One of several labs I worked in was studying the mere exposure effect. The mere exposure effect is the idea that just by seeing, hearing, or tasting something again and again you will grow to prefer it. It is like that so-so song on the radio you hear once that by the end of the summer you can’t stop dancing to when it comes on. You can read more HERE about the mere exposure effect.
A similar psychological idea is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. This one is slightly different, it is also known as the frequency phenomenon. Instead of growing a preference for things you see more, your mind becomes primed to notice something more. An example of this would be if you were considering moving to a new state. You might suddenly notice how many license plates you see with that state. People often use this to justify decisions, we take this as a sign to make a change or a purchase. We also use it to justify a decision or purchase we have already made. For more information on the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon HERE.
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Nothing in your environment has changed, only your perception.
Seeing hearing aids everywhere
That was what I experienced when Roses was diagnosed with hearing loss. People wearing hearing aids were everywhere. I couldn’t ever remember seeing a child with hearing aids before, yet suddenly I was surrounded by them.
I know that newborn hearing tests have helped immensely with early identification. But it seems highly unlikely that I had never encountered a child with hearing loss before my daughter was born. For more information about newborn screening click HERE.
So where am I going with all this? Well, based on my observations, I am not the only person who has never seen a child with hearing aids. Let alone a baby wearing them.
Practicing kindness and education
I want to issue a disclaimer before I continue with this post. These stories made a difference in my life. Sometimes I was frustrated by the interaction at the time, but that wasn’t the individual’s fault, I was still raw from grieving. Each of these people helped in our journey. I am so thankful for these adults and children for being brave enough to ask questions when they were curious.
These gave me a chance to practice kindness and education in my answers. My children learned how to have no shame in talking about their hearing aids and to advocate for their differences. These people helped normalize their hearing aids. I realized that I needed to stop worrying about what other people were thinking because they weren’t thinking mean or bad things.
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Most importantly, it helped me realize how passionate I am about hearing loss and newborn screening.
Children have the best questions
My favorite chances to help my children advocate have been interactions with other children. I loved the child who came up to Dino and said, “Dude your ears are really dirty!” I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to explain to Dino what the child meant. Dino was horrified until he realized the kid was talking about his ear molds.
In that child’s defense, the colors Dino picked out were neon orange, yellow, and green all swirled together. They looked a lot like boogers.
Once in preschool, a child came up to me at drop off to ask why I let Dino paint his ears. It took me a moment to realize that this was once again a case of ear molds mistaken as something else.
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As a preschool teacher in the same building as my children, my kids would come to say hi to me during school. The preschoolers I was teaching were always fascinated by Roses and Dino’s hearing aids. After they asked the first time what was in their ears, even these kids were soon parroting back our explanation. Dino and Roses wore hearing aids to help them hear better just like glasses help people see.
Appreciating the curiosity and questions
In the end, I appreciated each of these comments and the adults and children who took the time to ask questions.
They didn’t try and pretend that they hadn’t noticed, or whisper about what they saw. Instead, they gave me the chance to show my kids how to smile and be kind. My kids learned how to advocate for themselves through these interactions.
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Not everyone wants their difference to be addressed, but I think many people they would rather be asked than ignored. Rainbow loves to ask people about their differences. She has a history of mortifying me in public. She has asked cashiers why they have big holes in their earlobes when they have large gauge earrings. The barista at our coffee shop why she was bald, she had alopecia, and Rainbow added she was beautiful and she wished I would let her cut off her hair also.
I believe that most people appreciate that children ask and move on. We certainly do as a family.
Continue asking questions
As Roses has grown older she has noticed that her peers are less likely to ask. In middle school, kids hate being different, so Roses often feels people are wondering about her hearing loss. She has decided that it helps to bring it up herself. One of the projects she worked on this year was a presentation about hearing loss that she was able to give to her class. Roses had other kids come up and talk to her about it then. She felt that once they knew why she had hearing aids they stopped staring at her and whispering.
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Remember, if someone takes the time to ask you about your child’s difference, this doesn’t mean that they are bad. I think often they are trying to show they care. I hope people continue to ask my family about our differences, so we can continue to educate and grow.
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