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Watching Dino relax is like watching a hummingbird hover in the air. He might be in one place, but he never stops moving. This means that he often drops things, spills food and drinks, tips out of chairs, or even worse, crashes the whole chair to the floor. We have tried the obvious, telling him he needs to sit flat on his bottom and stop squirming around, but this is like trying to tell me to stop clenching my teeth while I sleep, impossible.
It isn’t that I think it is wrong that Dino is so fidgety. Actually, I envy his surplus of energy and willingness to explore new movements. The actual issue is we live in a society that places a high emphasis on sitting quietly. Think about it, modern schools involve sitting for long stretches of time being talked at. Many jobs require sitting at a desk or in meetings listening for long periods of time. For someone who is more comfortable moving this can be torture.
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You don’t need to fix your child
My goal with Dino is not to make him always sit still, but instead to learn positive ways to focus his energy. On a side note, many schools are starting to address the issue of requiring children to sit still for long periods of time. In second grade this year Dino had the option of moving around to find different places to work. Last year he was allowed to stand by his desk or work in the hall, Covid made moving around the classroom impossible.
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The best ways to help a child learn how to be still and focused fall into three different areas. Practicing focus, simplifying tasks, and working with the increased activity level.
Best ways to practice focus
Dino really enjoys practicing his focus, except he doesn’t know that is what he is doing. On weekends and some weeknights, we like to sit down and work on puzzles together. Puzzles require a large amount of focus. You need to keep track of the picture you are making, remember where a piece might go, and movement causes you to lose your pieces. Dino learned this last one on his own very quickly.
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Another way to practice focus is to find something your child really enjoys and work on engaging with them. Dino currently has an obsession with space. For his birthday we got him a telescope and downloaded an app that helps him identify the night sky.
He also spent time in school reading about space, stars, and planets, going so far as to write an essay about the planets. If I had tried to get him to do this on something he wasn’t interested in, such as cars, he would not have been able to practice his focus the same way.
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In the end, these types of activities allow him to feel a high sense of achievement and pride, reinforcing his focus experience.
Making a plan to simplify tasks
Simplifying tasks is another way to help your child focus. Dino often struggles to remember a list of things he needs to accomplish. There are several ways that we help him. First, we try to tell him only one or two things to do at a time and keep them related. For example, I might tell him to hang up his backpack and bring me his homework folder.
Secondly, I make lists for him. Writing things down gives him a reference point. He is able to see what he needs to do and follow along with the written list. This helps him to focus on the tasks, not the actual list of things to do.
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Keep on moving, don’t stop
The final way you can help a child who struggles with sitting still is by allowing them opportunities to move.
Dino often finishes his work quickly at school and is expected to wait in his seat while other kids finish. We have found that allowing him to have fidgets helps him remain in his seat.
I have a few notes about fidget items, make sure that they are silent so they do not disturb the other children. Keep them to items that cannot make a mess, Dino loves slime as much as the next kid, but he does not get to have it in school to fidget with. Finally, also make sure the teacher approves the fidgets and your child understands when they can use them in the class.
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Dino enjoys playing with a Rubik’s cube or a small set of Legos. Both of these are quiet and do not have the potential to stick to anything in the class.
Remember to ask for help from their teachers
At the beginning of this post, I discussed some things teachers have done to help Dino when he is struggling to sit still. These are wonderful options if your child’s school can accommodate them. Some schools also have alternative seats in the classroom. Balls or balance chairs that children can use so they are sitting, but still able to move.
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Having the opportunity for frequent movement throughout the day is also helpful. I have noticed a trend in the educational system toward taking movement breaks for the whole class. Research has found that allowing ample opportunities to move gives all students a better foundation for learning. For more information on how movement helps kids learn go HERE.
Focus and sitting still is a lifelong skill
Ultimately being able to sit still and focus is an important skill for all children to learn. For some children, it comes naturally, but often for neurodivergent children, it can be a struggle. Finding ways to practice focus, simplify tasks, and support the need to move are all great ways to help your child succeed.
I encourage you to talk with anyone who interacts with your child and needs them to stay still. Work as a team to find solutions that you can implement to help your child be successful. As a parent advocate you know what works best, and the other adults in your child’s life with appreciate the insight.
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Resources
For more tips on how to help your child focus at school and home go HERE
For tips on tuning out distractions go HERE
To work on focus and concentration go HERE
Tips on reducing hyperactivity in kids go HERE