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My children cannot stand the Amelia Bedelia books. I loved reading them growing up, the absurdity of ways that she misunderstood idioms and phrases. For anyone who hasn’t read these books, Amelia is a housekeeper who takes everything she hears literally. If you say it is raining cats and dogs, she will expect to see live animals falling from the clouds. The first time I tried reading one to Roses and Rainbow they made me stop after a couple of pages. Roses wanted me to stop because she thought Amelia was annoying, why didn’t she understand that these were just sayings.
Rainbow on the other hand was angry that the other characters thought Amelia was being strange. She could relate to her, and even though Rainbow knows that cats and dogs don’t rain from the sky, she can’t wrap her mind around the meaning.
What is a literal or concrete thinker?
Rainbow is a literal thinker. This is one of the reasons we have wondered if she is on the spectrum. Even at a young age, she struggled with figurative language or sarcasm. This doesn’t work well for me, because sarcasm is my first language. Right here Rainbow would say, no English is, she can’t understand the joke.
Concrete thinkers may take information at face value without thinking beyond or generalizing the information to other meanings or situations.
Dan Brennan, MD
According to Jean Piaget’s stages of cognitive development, most children until the age of 11 are concrete thinkers. The flipside of this is that they are still developing abstract thinking during this point. Children who are neurodiverse often remain firmly concrete thinkers. This can cause an issue with communication as we so often use colorful language. Please click HERE for more information on concrete thinkers.
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So what is the big deal with concrete thinking?
Think about how often we use idioms every day.
She just gave me the cold shoulder.
I was on a wild goose chase all day.
Let’s call it a day.
Time to hit the sack.
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If you don’t believe me, HERE is a list of common idioms and their meanings. It wasn’t until Rainbow started to express her frustration that I realized how often I don’t clearly say what I mean.
So how can you help a child who is a literal or concrete thinker?
Use literal language with your child
One way is trying to speak in a literal manner with your child. Instead of telling your child let’s call it a day, let them know we need to leave in 5 minutes. Another way I like to do this is by continuing to say the idiom but adding the literal meaning. For example, time to hit the sack, which means we need to go to bed now. This serves a dual purpose. I can still use the idioms I love, and I am teaching my literal child what they mean. Let’s face it (another idiom), your child will hear idioms their entire life. They need to learn how to interpret the information.
This isn’t unusual. We all think differently and have to adapt our thought patterns in unique situations. There are 5 different types of thinkers: creative thinkers or synthesists, idealists, pragmatists, analysts or concrete, and realists. For more information about each type of thinker, you can go HERE.
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I tend to be a realist. Often I go for the first solution that I see, which means that sometimes I struggle if it doesn’t work out as planned. Sometimes I need to be a more creative thinker. Other times concrete thinking could serve a better role in my planning. Whatever style thinker you are, I am certain there are times you need to stretch and accommodate a different thinking style.
This is why I try to use literal thinking with Rainbow, but I don’t eliminate the idioms from our conversations.
Practice using idioms and sarcasm
A second way to help a literal thinker is to practice idioms and sarcasm with your child. Rainbow has found the beauty in puns. I hate puns, but my husband always loves a punny joke. Rainbow has discovered that she can make him laugh by sharing a good pun she has discovered. My role in this is to talk about when to use idioms and puns.
For Rainbow, it often feels as though we need to make a list of all the perfect times for a phrase. She struggles with generalizations and prefers things to be black and white. Right now, I encourage her to practice her puns, idioms, and sarcasm on her dad and me. This allows us to give gentle and helpful feedback.
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Helping others understand a concrete thinker
Sometimes she struggles in school with teachers saying she is talking back or being defiant. These instances typically happen when she is trying to learn how to use a new idiom or sarcastic phrase. This is where it is important to approach the breakdown in communication with two routes. First, speak to your child about when they can use their newly discovered words and second talk with the teachers about what your child is trying to accomplish with their language.
Some teachers will be astute enough to realize that your child isn’t being malicious in their language. These teachers will often already have taken the step to talk with them about when to use sarcasm. Otherwise, teachers do appreciate the insight you can share about your child.
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Teaching the rules of abstract language
Rainbow often responds with “No” when you ask her to do something. This response will come simultaneously with her doing that exact request. This is an annoying habit her father has when I make a request. Now after 14 years of marriage, I understand this is an inside joke with us. Rainbow sees that we think this is funny and does it with other people without thinking. It has taken until fifth grade for me to finally have a teacher agree that it isn’t defiance, simply her knee-jerk sarcastic response. It doesn’t make it better, but it does help to understand the behavior.
This is where that practice is so important. Now we make sure to talk with Rainbow about who and when we can use idioms and sarcasm. For more ideas on helping literal thinkers please click HERE.
At the end of the day, everyone thinks and processes things differently. This is why I love the idea of neurodiversity. It simply takes something that we know is true, no one is the same, and shows us how we all fall somewhere on a line or spectrum of behaviors.
In this case, some people are just a little more literal and think that there is an actual line, that they need to fall onto.
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