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Is it possible to cultivate hope, or even will it into existence? As a teenager, I was coping with depression. One thing kept me holding on in this time. It was the belief that my future self would appreciate that I was trying. At the time I wouldn’t have considered this hope. I felt that my life was hopeless.
What I was doing though was living with hope. My actions were the best demonstration of hope. I had a goal that my life would be better. Agency thinking that continuing with positive actions instead of destructive ones would help eventually. I utilized many different pathways, exploring things I thought my future self would appreciate.
Optimistic people see the glass as half full, but hopeful people ask how they can fill the glass full.
John Parsi, the executive director of the Hope Center
While I don’t ever recommend behaving like a teenage girl again, this clinging to hope changed the trajectory of my future. I believe we can cultivate hope, plant it, and help it grow within our lives. Then we have more power over the outcomes. John Parsi, the executive director of the Hope Center said, “Optimistic people see the glass as half full, but hopeful people ask how they can fill the glass full.” I love this quote because it emphasizes that hope is an unwillingness to accept the situation you are in as the endpoint. It doesn’t matter if you look at it as a good or a bad thing. All that matters is that you work to make it better.
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So how do you cultivate hope? I have found that there are some easy-to-implement ways of strengthening hope.
Stories help create hope
The simplest one is talking to other people, but not just anyone can help. It is important to hear the stories of other people who are going through the same struggles you are, or who have already started to advocate for a better life for their children. For me, the most beneficial part of Roses’ early years was the time we spent with a small group of parents who also had children under the age of three who were deaf and hard of hearing. Although the children all had varying degrees of hearing loss, we were able to share in the joys and frustrations of raising DHH children.
Seeing how well the parents with older children were doing gave me hope. Having people cheering us on our journey helped. When Roses was one of the older children, mentoring parents of newly diagnosed children also gave me hope. We were not alone on our journey and we would help each other along the way.
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This is such a useful technique, Dave Isay founded the NYC-based nonprofit StoryCorps as a way for people to share their stories. He has a TED talk on why stories are important titled Everyone Around You Has a Story the World Needs to Hear. You can watch the complete TED talk HERE.
Small steps help you climb a mountain
Another useful piece of building hope is taking small steps. It is important to focus on what you can do now. Make the appointment to see a specialist, find a parent support group, and celebrate the tiny achievements. In the beginning, I focused on one appointment at a time for Roses.
First, it was the follow-up with the audiologist, then it was an appointment with an ENT, back to the audiologist for hearing aids, then to the optometrist to make sure her eyes were normal to help her with visual cues. If I had made a list of every appointment I would make for Roses the first year I think I would have shut down and hidden away in a fog of depression and anxiety. Instead, I just took one step at a time, focusing on the small path I could see directly in front of me, not the mountain top I needed to climb.
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Being able to see how the steps you are taking will lead to desired change is critical to having hope.
Karyn Hall, Ph.D.
It is important that you can understand how each step will lead to a positive result, or as I like to think, get you to the top of the mountain a step at a time.
We all need a supportive community
The final piece of creating a base of hope is having support. It is imperative that you surround yourself and your children with people who share your hope for their future. These can be other parents, your own family, or online communities, also any specialists or teachers you have to help along the way. Make sure that these people share a hopeful prognosis with you. I am not talking that a miracle will happen and suddenly my daughter Roses will no longer have hearing loss. People like these fall in the category of wishful thinking and you will find that their optimism and unfounded beliefs can make you feel less hopeful.
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According to researchers at Arizona State University, “hope thrives in communities that support and uplift one another.” 1 We have limited the time we spend with some family members who did not share our hope. It is imperative that the people around us don’t see our children merely as their disabilities.
I am not an optimist, but a great believer of hope.
Nelson Mandela
Hope is a powerful belief. It allows us to cope with difficult times and come out stronger and wiser on the other side. I agree with what Nelson Mandela once said, “I am not an optimist, but a great believer of hope.” I know you can become a believer in hope and the best advocate for your child.
Additional Resources
For more information on the science of hope click HERE.
For more information on finding hope click HERE.